Can't Have You
by CozItRunsInMyBlood
Summary: A Brother and Sister who love each other more than anything in the whole world. What will happen when lust kicks in? Will it make them closer oe pull them apart? (Ha! In your face!)
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Please, I don't want anyone to save a copy from this story, not even for your personal use. I hope you respect my wish. **

(RobzBeanie**) make this readable, trust me!**

(LaPumuckl**) is my per-reader.**

**Prologue**

**Sometimes it's hard to hide  
pent up emotions we both feel  
wanna tell the world I love you  
but I dare not say it  
until I make you mine there's only one way  
we can play it**

**EPOV**

I saw her coming down the stairs, wearing her white strapless sun-dress, looking like an angel with her hair down caressing her shoulders.

Her green eyes caught mine and I saw the sadness filling them. She masked it right away, replacing it with a furious stare, trying to tell me with her glaring eyes that she was mad at me for what I did with her awhile ago in her room.

Well, she can fool anyone else she wants but not me. She liked it and I fucking know it.

The hem of her short dress danced along her upper thighs as she took one step after another in a hurry.

Ignoring her angry look, I licked my lips knowing that it would make her look away, because she wouldn't want me to see the need in her eyes.

And that's exactly what she did.

But she was helpless in covering the redness of the blush that covered her face and neck as she passed me.

"Daddy?" she began as she went up to our father, who was sitting at the kitchen table drinking his coffee while he read the newspaper.

"Hmm?" He looked up from the papers in his hand facing her.

"I … Um, I want to talk with you about something," she said, looking at the floor, her blush growing more intense.

"Sure, what is it?"

_Yeah, what is it?_

"I …Uh, I .." She looked at our mom, who was sitting at the table across from where Bella was standing, hesitant to say what she wanted to say. She even caught my eyes for a quick second, but then looked down right away.

"Do you want to go to my office, Bella?" he asked, placing the paper on the table.

"Uh, no …It's fine, I just… Uh, well, I'm going to graduate soon and …Uh, there is that guy in my school-" _fucking what?_ "H-he asked me out more than one time and … uh, I want to say yes."

_Yeah, right, dream on. _

"Bella, sweetheart, we've talked about that before and you know the rule," he said in his calm voice.

"But, Dad, I'm almost eighteen; I'm not a little girl anymore. I'm the only one my age who's not allowed to date," she said in a frustrated tone, trying not to yell.

"Bella, I-"

"Carlisle," Mom interrupted, "I think Bella is mature enough to make good decisions."

_Fuck that, she doesn't know shit._

"But, Esme, she's not even eighteen yet."

"Honey, it's just a matter of a few months before she leaves for college. It's better that she starts dating now and learns more about the kind of relationship she wants before she starts a new phase in her life, don't you think?"

I felt my blood starting to boil in my veins. My own mother was convincing my dad with logic. Now he was _actually_ thinking about it.

I don't want him to fucking think about it; I want him to say a_ clear_ no.

"Sweetheart, I don't think it's-"

"Please, Dad, even Edward is allowed to date and we're the same age. It's not fair," she interrupted him, pointing in my direction without looking.

"I'm older!" I called, correcting her.

"By ten minutes, asshole!" she yelled at me.

"Language, Isabella," Mom warned.

"Sorry."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing! _They were actually considering this bullshit?_

I had to sit my glass of orange juice down on the table so I didn't end up throwing it at one of them.

"The only reason I don't want you to date is that you're so innocent, and I don't want someone to break your heart, sweetie."

_Or break your fucking hymen._

"I'm old enough to know how to choose, and I'm mature enough to face the responsibilities of my choices, Dad."

My Dad let out a long sigh, and then I saw the hint of a smile forming on his lips.

_No! No! No!_

_No fucking way. Come on!_

"Okay …"

"So…That's a yes?"

"Yes, Bella, you can say yes." He smiled.

_Fuck! A million fucking fucks!_

"Thanks, Dad, you're awesome." She bent down and placed a kiss on his cheek.

"You're welcome, sweetie."'

She did the same with Mom. "Thanks, Mom."

She walked over to me and stood right in front of me. She was so close I could smell her soft strawberry shampoo as she leaned in a little bit, picking my glass up off the small table.

"I'll take that if you don't want it," she smiled softly, not waiting for me to reply as she took a sip without taking her eyes off of mine. I'm sure that the green in them was replaced with the darkness of my anger.

I only snarled at her.

She leaned forward again, her lips just an inch away from my face. She was close enough that I could feel her warm breaths on my cheek. It took everything in me not to moan.

"I win, _Dear Brother_," she whispered, then touched her soft lips to my cheek.

_Fuck!_

She thinks she's going to date now that she has permission?

She thinks that she'll go out with a guy and kiss and hug and fuck?

She thinks I'll ever allow anyone to touch what is _mine_?

No fucking way in hell!

When she was about to back off after kissing me, I gripped her forearm and whispered back.

"Over my dead body,_ little Sister_."

**~CHY~**


	2. Chapter 1

(SM) **owns Twilight.**

(CozItRunsInMyBlood)**owns the plot.**

(RobzBeanie**) make this readable, trust me!**

(LaPumuckl**) is my per-reader.**

**Chapter 1**

**then out of the blue you came  
you shine a little light on a clouded day  
baby you could make a broken heart go away**

**I'm not gonna lie, this feeling inside  
I can't explain  
I'm gonna blame it  
on the summer rain**

**EPOV**

It all started that summer almost four years ago...

My father – Carlisle – was the Chief of Surgery at Seattle Grace Hospital. He was always so busy with work that it was almost unreal.

We were never able to have a proper vacation, ever. But a miracle happened eventually and he was able to carve out two weeks for us and take a break.

So we went to our beach house – which we hardly used – to spend the break there.

Carlisle was a great guy, really. He wanted us to always have the best of everything. He wasn't our real father though. Charlie Swan is … _was_ for the record, he and my mother, Esme, got married young and had us at the ages of twenty-six and twenty, respectively. Charlie died when we were just two years old, killed in the line of duty. He had been the youngest Chief of Police in Forks' history.

After Charlie's death, my mother remarried just two years later, and she said her life had never been better.

_Guess my mom had a thing for Chiefs. _

I rolled my eyes at the thought. I really loved Carlisle, don't get me wrong, but I didn't like the way Mom had moved on so fast.

Yes, two years was fast in my book.

But Charlie didn't really die. I was too young to remember him, but I still felt his love for us – was that sane?

I still saw him in Bella's features – her heart-shaped face and her brown locks. The way she smiled was a perfect copy of his smile that I'd seen over and over again in photos.

I only got my tall frame from Charlie. I looked more like Mom, with her copper hair and green eyes. Bella got the green eyes from her, too.

_Bella..._

If only I had known how that vacation would fuck up our relationship, I would've – certainly – just passed.

_Fuck!_

"Okay, kids. Go unpack now and we'll get in the water in the morning, okay?" Mom said.

"Why can't we go swimming now?" Bella whined.

"Because it's twilight, and you'll be exhausted when you get back, and I'll have to do all the work of unpacking for the both of you!"

"But Mom–"

"Bella!" Mom warned.

"Yes, Mom." Bella left to go to her room and I went to help her with her bag.

"It's okay, Edward, I got it," she said in a low voice.

"Don't be silly, let me," I replied as I carried her bag toward the stairs.

"Jesus! What do you have in here? Rocks?"

She let out a small giggle from behind me.

"Just my clothes, and some books."

"Books? Bella, you do realize we're on a vacation, right?" I said as I dropped the bag on her bed and turned around to face her. She looked a little sad.

"I know ..."

"Hey, what's wrong?" I touched her cheek softly.

"I figured that she'll force us to stay home for some reason, or I'll be grounded for something, that's why I brought the books, to keep me company."

I sighed.

"I wanted to go swimming!" she pouted.

"We will, baby sis. Please don't be upset, we still have two weeks left, we'll do all the swimming you want, okay?"

" 'kay," she said, still looking disappointed.

"C'mon, where is my sweet smile? C'mon... C'mon... Yes, that's my girl." I kissed her cheek.

"Do you want me to help you unpack?" I asked.

"Nah, it's cool, I'll do it." She smiled.

"Okay, I'll go finish mine and if you're not done by then, I'll come and help."

**~CHY~**

When we finished having dinner I went straight to bed, exhausted from all of the packing and unpacking, let alone the two hours' drive – it was really crowded today – and of course I had to be the one who check if all of the lights were working on all three floors.

I was deeply asleep when I felt a warm body creeping into my bed, and I knew right away who it was.

"Edward?" Bella whispered beside my ear as I lay on my side, my back facing her.

I didn't reply; I was really sleepy.

"Edward, are you awake?"

"I am now," I huffed. "What is it?"

"I'm scared."

"Of what?"

"I don't know, I just don't want to sleep alone in that room. Can I sleep with you tonight?"

"Bella, you're too old to be scared of the boogieman!"

"Please, Edward? Pretty please?"

"Okay," I sighed. "You can sleep in here."

"Thank you, Eddie." I heard the smile in her voice.

"Okay, call me Eddie one more time and I'll kick you out of the bed."

"Sorry," she chuckled. I knew she was happy that I let her sleep with me, and I was happy for making her happy.

"Edward?"

_What now!_

"Hmm?"

"Would you just hold me?"

"For God's sake, Bella! Would you just let me sleep?"

"Please, Edward. I'm scared."

I sighed then turned around to face her. Turning her around along with me so my chest was facing her back, I slid my hand under her shirt and rested my hand on her bare stomach, making small circles.

"Here, all better?"

"Yeah, thank you," she yawned.

"Go to sleep now, baby sis."

Before she could reply, I heard her soft, steady breaths, telling me that she was already asleep.

**~CHY-**

When I woke up, Bella was cuddled tightly against me, her arm and head over my chest, and one of her legs over mine.

I smoothly removed myself from her, careful not to wake her.

I took my shower and went downstairs, though it was still too early. I filled a bowl with some cereal and milk and started eating.

Bella came down after a few minutes and had breakfast with me. Mom and Dad were still sleeping. From the looks of it – the empty bottle of wine and all – it seemed like they had stayed up late, and they weren't going to wake up soon, most likely.

_Nauseating!_

"Do you want to go for a swim?" I asked.

"Duh!"

"Okay, go get ready."

"We'll go without Mom and Dad?"

"Bella, the shore is just two yards ahead. They'll find us once they wake up and look out the window, so don't worry about it."

I too changed for swimming, then grabbed a blanket, waiting for her.

I was sitting on the blanket that I'd placed on the sand when I felt something on my ear. At first I thought it was a fly or something, so I shrugged it off, but it kept coming back. I turned around after feeling something brush my ear several times and discovered that it was Bella tickling me with the tip of her short white bathrobe's belt.

"You're in big trouble."

Once she heard my threat, she ran away screaming and laughing. I ran after her, catching her easily just a moment later, both of us falling to the ground.

"You wanna fight? Huh? Huh?" I said as I pinned her to the sandy ground with my hands on her shoulders and my legs on both sides of her.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" she chanted between laughs.

"Too late, baby sis! Too late." I started tickling her, starting at her neck and moving down to her collarbone, experience from prior tickle fights showing that it was her most ticklish spot.

"E-Edward, Sto-op!" she yelled, not able to hold back her laughter.

"Say uncle!"

"N-no-oh!"

"Say it!"

"N-oo!"

"If you say so." I moved my hands down, reaching for her stomach, and that was when my whole world turned upside down.

Her robe was wide open; I hadn't noticed that when I started tickling her. And there staring at me was the most delicious set of breasts I'd ever seen.

They were a bit small – she was barely fourteen, after all. Her laughter was making them shake a little, making my mouth water in a way I'd never thought was possible.

My hands froze on her stomach, and for the first time in my life I noticed how soft her pale skin was.

I sat there, frozen, gaping at the beauty of her body. Her breasts were covered with the top of her white bikini, but it did a poor job in covering how hard her nipples were. The delicate skin that led to her stomach. And the very small swell of her hip bone that led to...

_Shit!_

_I'm sporting a hard on for my sister!_

_Shit! Shit! Shit!_

**~CHY~**

**A question: When was that last time you've been in a vacation and where?**


	3. Chapter 2

**(SM) ****owns Twilight****.**

**(CozItRunsInMyBlood) ****owns the plot****.**

**(RobzBeanie) ****makes this readable, trust me!**

**(LaPumuckl) ****is my per-reader.**

**Chapter 2**

**You and me  
We used to be together  
Every day together always**

**I really feel  
That I'm losing my best friend  
I can't believe  
This could be the end**

**BPOV**

I didn't know how we became like this all of a sudden. The last time I remembered us happy and enjoying each other's company was on that vacation at the beach house.

It took one day for the damn house to ruin our relationship … or that's what I'd thought.

I thought that the house was damned with some sort of black magic powers that separated a beloved brother from his only sister, his twin!

Yeah, silly... I know. But I was only fourteen years old and unable to think of any other reason. We were inseparable before we went on that damn vacation, and the next day we weren't anymore.

I didn't know how long I cursed the house for that, thinking that because we hardly used it, bad spirits had possessed it or something.

But I learned later that it was my stupid bathing suit!

I'd been dreaming of wearing a bikini for so long, but never got the chance to wear one, given that we hadn't had a vacation in three or four years. And when I did wear one, I wanted to tear it into pieces for what it did to my brother and me.

"Say uncle!" he ordered.

"N-no-oh!" I choked out through my laughs.

"Say it!" he demanded again. His eyes were crinkled with laughter but he wouldn't let it out.

"N-oo!" I insisted.

"If you say so."

_Oh no!_

Once he said that, I knew I'd say 'uncle' and he'd win. He knew how much I hated to lose, especially tickle fights.

He reached for my stomach, and I squeezed my eyes shut, though I hardly had them open anyway, given that I was laughing really hard and all. I braced myself for the sensation of his tickles, which would probably make me close to peeing the bottom of my very expensive bikini.

But it didn't come.

I waited for a moment, but still nothing, just his fingertips barely brushing along my stomach. I opened my eyes to see what was wrong, and I was met with Edward gaping at what looked like his hands.

"Edward?!" I called, getting his attention back to me since he seemed to be lost in whatever had made him frozen like that.

He slowly raised his gaze to meet mine and I was met with a strange look in his eyes. His eyes were filled with... disbelief?

_What the...?_

"Edward! Are you okay?" I asked, still looking up at him from my spot on the sandy ground, concern filling my voice.

One second later, I saw him run back to the house.

_Oh, my God! What was wrong?_

I ran after him to see what was going on, but couldn't catch him. I was only met with the door of the first floor bathroom shutting in my face, almost knocking me to the ground.

"Edward?" I knocked on the door and waited for his answer.

But nothing came, he didn't reply.

I started to panic.

"Edward, please. Are you okay?" I felt my tears threatening to fall. I was so afraid that I had hurt him or something with my kicks, even though I was sure that my legs didn't touch him anywhere.

"I'm fine."

I wasn't one that he could fool with just any lie; I knew Edward very well, more than I could possibly know myself – and he wasn't fine.

I stood still for a few moments, giving him time to use the bathroom, then come out to tell me what was going on.

But he stayed in there a long time, and my worry hit the roof. I was about to knock again when I heard him panting very fast, then I heard an unmistakable moan followed by a muffled groan.

_Oh, my God! He's hurt!_

I started knocking like a crazy person on the door. "Edward! Please open the door, tell me what's wrong, please tell me that you're okay!" I sobbed, not able to control my tears any longer.

"Edward, I'll go call Mom!" I said when he didn't respond.

"No!" he shouted. "Just give me a minute."

I dried my tears with the back of my hand and waited for him to come out, which he did after few minutes. He looked flushed, his forehead was glistening with sweat, and he looked – Not. Okay.

"What is it?" I asked.

His gaze was fixed on the floor and he wouldn't look at me, so I tried again. "Edward, what happened?"

"Nothing," he replied after a long pause, his lips trembling slightly as if he was just about to cry.

"Edward, look at me." I brought my hand to his face wanting to touch his cheek, but he backed away and turned his face to the other side, refusing my touch.

It hurt me.

_If he'd only tell me what was wrong?!_

He went back to his room and closed the door. I tried opening it, but he'd locked it from the inside.

I woke Mom up and told her that Edward didn't seem to be okay. Eventually he opened the door for her and said that his stomach hurt and he wasn't feeling well.

We all stayed home that day, waiting for him to feel better, but the days passed and he didn't. In the end, my parents went on like nothing was wrong and enjoyed their vacation, especially after Dad examined him and said that nothing was wrong with him at all.

Nevertheless, I couldn't just leave him like that and go enjoy myself – Edward was my twin, the other half of my soul, and if he said he wasn't well, then he wasn't, and I would stay by his side.

I feared sleeping alone in my room, so I went everyday to sleep beside him. I would wake up to find him sitting on the armchair across from his bed, his face buried in his hands, or just sleeping on the floor.

I knew then that my company made him uncomfortable, so I put on my big girl panties and just slept alone.

**~CHY~**

"Eddie?" I tried. He was lying on his bed, his back facing me.

"Don't. Call me. That."

I'd been trying to wake him up for quite a while, and he just wouldn't wake up. Finally I tried calling him by the name he hated, just to get a reaction from him.

And it worked!

"So you _are_ awake!" I huffed.

He didn't respond.

"Do you realize it's the last day of our vacation?"

"Whatever."

I wasn't used to that kind of attitude from Edward. He'd always been good to me, always treating me as nicely and gently as he could. But not anymore.

"Edward, please, it's been so long. If you'd just tell me what's wrong?"

Again, he didn't reply, so I continued on.

"I'd been dying to go on this vacation since God only knows when, and I spent it all in this room, reading books and being worried sick about you, and you just wouldn't talk to me no matter how much I tried!"

"You don't have to stay in here!"

"I want to. Please, Edward, let's get out and just enjoy this last day! Please, I would kill to get in that water," I said, trying to hide the hurt in my voice at the sound of his words.

"You can do that," he said, still not facing me.

"I can't do anything without you; you know that very well!"

He sighed.

"Please!" I begged and begged for God only knows how long, though it didn't matter to me how long I'd begged when he finally agreed.

I put on my bathing suit – which I never used – and waited for him, sitting beside Mom who was lying on her stomach to get a 'nice tan' or whatever she said. Dad was busy doing something on his laptop, even though it was a vacation, but Mom _allowed_ him two hours every day to see how everything was going at the hospital.

I ignored how Edward's face fell when he saw me, looking like his face was drained of all of its blood and all flushed at the same time. I didn't know how... or why for the matter.

I knew that everything that was going on with Edward had something to do with me. I knew he was mad at me for some reason, for something I'd done. I didn't know what it was, but I knew that Edward was too nice to ever hurt me by voicing it… whatever it was.

I just tried to make it up to him, and get him out of that shell he'd built around himself, maybe learn what was wrong with him in the process.

The water was quiet, just a few small waves every now and then. It felt amazing, but if Edward was enjoying it, he didn't show it.

I pulled him with my hand in his as we went in deeper until the water was covering our lower halves.

"Do you want to go deeper?" I asked.

He didn't reply.

_Of course..._

I took him by the hand again and went in further, until the water hid my chest completely – Edward's too, since we were almost the same height back then.

"That's better," he said.

I couldn't believe that he finally spoke, but I tried not to show my excitement. I just ignored it, like it wasn't something out of the ordinary.

"Cool!" I said, smiling. I looked at the shore to see how far we'd gone, and I saw that my parents were nothing but small dots, far, far away.

Like any two people swimming together, I circled Edward's shoulders with my arms, watching him as he clenched his eyes shut and squeezed hard, taking a deep breath. I waited for him to hold me too, and he finally did, but it took him too long, longer than necessary.

He rested his hands either side of my body and left them there.

"You're no fun!" I said jokingly, pouting as I splashed him with water.

He looked at me in disbelief, then I saw a hint of a smile on his lips, something I hadn't seen since what felt like years. Then his eyes darkened and I knew he was going to do the same.

I let go of him and tried to get away from him, but the water wouldn't let me.

We stayed in the water too long, until I saw wrinkles forming on my fingertips, but I didn't care. I was finally having a good time with Edward, playing in the water, splashing each other and running here and there. I shoved his head under the water a couple times but he didn't do that back – he was just _that_ nice.

The air was filled with my screams – happy screams – and our laughter. Yes, I said _our_ laughter. Edward was finally letting go of whatever was bothering him, and I couldn't have been happier.

When I was exhausted from all of the playing, I rested my arms around his shoulders again. I laid my head on the spot where his neck met his shoulder, trying to catch my breath, and he held me to him as we swayed lazily in the water.

I looked up at him and smiled, but he didn't smile back, instead … he pressed his lips to mine!

It was the very first time Edward had kissed me there, for anyone to kiss me there for the record. I didn't think much about it, since we were always close, and I mean _really_ close. So what if he kissed me so tenderly on the mouth? – Nothing!

As if he knew what I was thinking, he wanted to prove the opposite; suddenly the kiss wasn't tender anymore.

He pulled me closer to his body, tugged my bottom lip between his lips. I didn't know if I should pull back or not, I mean... it was Edward for God's sake, my brother, my twin.

His hands started wandering over my back and sides, and suddenly it felt all wrong, but I still didn't pull back. I just stayed frozen in place, shocked.

However, once I felt his tongue pushing its way inside my mouth, I pulled back in a second.

"Edward!"

He didn't respond to me; his mouth was busy placing kisses all over my jaw line before making his way to my neck.

"Edward! What are you doing?" I tried pushing him away, but he held me firmly so I wasn't able to move him, not even an inch.

"Knock it off!" I shoved him away once I felt a slight pressure on my neck as he sucked on the skin there.

His eyes were heavy with something I didn't understand, something I never saw before. I saw it for a split second before he came back to me as if I didn't just shove him or anything, attacking my neck with his lips.

The second time I pushed him away with all I could he didn't try again. I don't know if it was because I shoved him hard or because I said "Stop!" Either way – he did.

He stopped immediately, staring at me with wide eyes, like he didn't believe what he just did.

Hell! _I_ didn't believe what he just did!

"Edward! What the hell! Are you out of your mind?"

"Bella, I- ..."

I replayed what had just happened through my mind again, and my blood ran cold, so I slapped him.

For the first time in my whole short life, I slapped Edward. I didn't know how I did it, but I was mad at him.

His hand touched where mine had just touched his face, his eyes even wider, disbelief along with terror and shame filling them.

I stood there staring at him, and he held my gaze, still saying so much with his eyes, but again, another first... I couldn't read it.

I only knew that there was _regret_.

He should feel regret.

Eventually I left him standing there and started getting out of the water. One disgusting thought in my mind left me with a desperate need to puke.

_I kissed back._

**~CHY~**

**A question: How old were you when you had your first kiss? **


	4. Chapter 3

**SM) ****owns Twilight****.**

**(CozItRunsInMyBlood) ****owns the plot****.**

**(RobzBeanie) ****makes this readable, trust me!**

**(LaPumuckl) ****is my per-reader.**

**Chapter 3**

**Even though I try to  
I can't stop thinking about you  
I can't stop thinking about you  
No matter how hard I try  
Hard I try**

**EPOV**

I gave her a week to calm down, she was so mad at me. Fuck! _I_ was mad at me.

I couldn't believe what I did; I didn't know what possessed me to do that, but then again, I knew why I did it.

I'd spent two weeks at the beach house doing nothing but thinking about her body and the way it affected me when I saw it. I couldn't help the shame and embarrassment of how I reacted because of it.

I couldn't believe that I actually jerked off at the sight of my sister in a bikini! What kind of a brother would do that shit? I should be, as a brother, punching whoever would even _think_ about doing _that_ to thoughts of my sister right in the guts, not doing it myself!

I even did it while she was standing just outside the bathroom. I couldn't bear the lust that was filling me when I saw her perfect small body. I kept on chanting in my mind that it wasn't right, that this was all wrong, but nothing worked.

My sister was no longer a little girl.

I felt sick, I felt like a fucking animal, unable to control my lust – lust that reached its breaking point over my own sister, my own blood.

I hated myself for doing it; I hated myself for the way I thought, for the way I reacted, but I just couldn't help it.

When she would come to my room, I would do my best to stay away from her, knowing that I might not be able to control myself if she was that close to me.

And I was right.

When she was with me in the water, I acted like an animal and attacked her mouth and neck. I couldn't stay still while she looked that beautiful, half naked and all... _wet_.

_Fuck!_

Her lips felt like heaven... true heaven. It seemed like because I had craved her for so many days, I couldn't stop my hunger and need. I was lost to my lust and desire, and I didn't hear anything she said beyond 'stop.' Her slap finally woke me up from my dazzled, lustful state.

I deserved it, I really deserved it.

_What kind of a brother does this shit?_

She was mad at me, but she told our parents that there was nothing wrong when they asked why she looked so upset, and for that I was grateful. I didn't need to take their shit, not with all of these fucked-up things going through my mind – and my _body_.

Eventually, after I spent a whole seven days without her speaking one word to me, I went to her room and apologized for all I am.

I begged her to forgive me, and she did, but she asked why I had done that.

Of course I couldn't tell her the truth. Seriously, how can you tell your own twin that you lust after her? So I settled on a stupid lie, telling her that I drank some Scotch that I'd stolen from my parents' liquor cabinet, and I saw her as someone else.

Bella wasn't naïve, I knew that. She was so smart and she liked to investigate everything, always following the evidence to uncover the truth about whatever she wanted to know.

_Guess she got that from Charlie._

However, she didn't ask anything further. I didn't know why, but did I want anything else but that? No!

She bought it or she didn't – fine with me either way, as long as she didn't ask more questions and cause me to hate myself even more.

After that we kind of got back to our 'normal'... well, from her side, not mine.

We talked to each other like nothing had ever happened between us; we... or rather _she_ preferred to ignore it. Though I would see it in her eyes when she avoided my touch every time I came closer to her – which I did very _rarely_.

_I miss how we were before that summer._

Me? I didn't speak much to her but when she started a conversation, I couldn't make eye contact with her while we talked. I couldn't talk to her about anything, like the way I used to tell her everything before that _bikini_ happened.

I hated it, so much, you couldn't even imagine. But I knew since that first time I masturbated while thinking of her that I'd lost my sister, or at least my feelings that I'd had for her as a sister... or maybe those feelings were still there but mixed with lust and desire.

_Fuck! I don't know. _

The bad thing was – though there was nothing really _good_ in this situation – the only one I could ever have heart-to-heart talks with, was the last person I could talk to about that.

I spent so many days, weeks and even months wondering why? Why had that happened to us? To _us_ among of all of the siblings, why me and her? I loved her the most, and I knew she felt the same, so why did it have to be ruined with the fucking lustful ache I held for her? Fucking why?

I never got an answer...

Two years passed in this exact fashion – me trying to have as little of her company as I could, and her trying to ignore what happened between us like it never was.

She changed, and I don't just mean her body had become that of a more desirable woman with every new day; no, her actions towards me had changed, too.

She never came to sleep in my room again like she always had, never held my hand while we took a walk, never lay on my lap while we watched a movie – pretty much never made any effort to touch me.

She might've been talking with me like before, maybe still laughing with me or making me laugh, or even laughing _at_ me. Maybe she acted like it was all fine, but I knew she never forgot what I did; maybe part of her didn't forgive me as she said.

All I could do was just to wait for the days to pass, not knowing where I'd go with this, or if I'd ever be able to not desire her that much, or even at all if that was possible.

Those two years passed with me doing nothing more than jerking off... because of a new top or new blouse she wore, or because she bent down to pick up something from the floor and put that delicious ass of hers right in front of my eyes to ogle, or simply the scent of her shampoo or the sweet smile she would give me.

_Oh the smile..._

I could still see it now like it had just happened a moment ago, like we were still in the water, my arms surrounding her and hers me, and that second when she looked up at me and flashed me that perfect smile, I almost drooled, but instead I pressed my lips to hers.

_Fuck it! I could still taste her._

I brought my fingertips to touch my lips at the thought, remembering the feeling of those delicate lips on them, and how it–

"What are you doing?" Bella's voice interrupted my thoughts, the thoughts that were only about her – everything was about her.

I put my hand back on my lap right away, as I was sitting on the couch in the living room pretending to be watching TV, but the truth was: I was only busy having lustful thoughts about my sister.

"Nothing much," I replied while my eyes were still focused on the big flat screen.

"I'm bored. Do you want to watch a movie with me?"

"Sure," I said as I readjusted myself on the couch and made room for her, since it was the best place in the living room to watch TV.

"Cool! What do you want to watch?" she asked, and I had to look up at her. It would be so rude of me to keep avoiding looking at her while she was talking to me.

"Whatever you want." I offered her a small smile.

"Okay, just remember you said that," she chuckled lightly, and I just smiled. I knew she'd put on some chick movie, but I didn't want to argue with her.

Arguing meant I'd have to look at her, and I'd always end up in the bathroom, grabbing the shit out of my cock... Yeah, of course I liked the feeling of the orgasms, but I hated the thoughts that helped me to get off… thoughts of my sister.

"Ta da!" she sang once the title of the movie appeared on the screen.

"Oh, c'mon!"

"I warned you, so suck it up!" She stuck her tongue out at me.

I turned my eyes away from her immediately, then took one of the small pillows that Mom had put all over the couches and chairs – the floor too, for the record – and put it on my lap to hide my instant hard-on, doing my best not to let out a moan at the sight of that rosy tongue of hers.

It wasn't just the sight of her tongue that caused my wood, it was the damn thought about what could I do with it and–

_Stop it, Edward! Just fucking stop it!_

I didn't know how much time I spent on that couch, drowning in my thoughts. I almost came in my pants a couple of times at the sound of her sighs.

"Even though I love this movie so much, I still hate how it ends," she sighed.

"Yeah, Romeo ... he killed his love with his stupidity," I said with my eyes focused on the screen, trying to do anything other than drool all over my sister.

I saw her shaking her head in sorrow with the corner of my eye.

"I envy him though," I continued.

"Why is that?"

"His powerful will to actually commit suicide," I whispered.

Her head shot to my direction. "You envy him because he was strong enough to kill himself?" she asked in shock.

"Yeah ..."

"Edward, what are you saying?"

"I ...uh– I thought about it befo–" before I could say anything more, I felt a sting on the back of my head.

She smacked me!

"Ouch!" I whined as I rubbed the back of my head. "What the hell did you do that for?!"

"Don't you freaking dare say or even think about that again. Do you freaking hear me?" she said through clenched teeth, pointing her finger at my face.

I was willing to speak, but before I could say anything I saw her eyes glistening with unshed tears.

_What the fuck did I say?_

"Hey!" I reached for her hand to comfort her, but she shrugged it away roughly and ran to her room.

_Why all of the drama?!_

I ran after her right away and was barely able to catch the door before she closed it. She threw herself on the bed and buried her head in her pillow, ignoring my presence, or telling me silently that it wasn't appreciated.

I didn't know any other way to comfort her except to lay beside her on the bed – and I didn't want to do that, of course.

Nevertheless, I took a deep breath and got into the bed with her. I reached for her hidden face to remove a lock of hair away from it, but she shrugged away my hand angrily, not like she usually avoided my touch since that day – no, it was a full-of-anger reaction.

I sighed then tried again, and this time – gratefully – she didn't shrug away my hand, though I wished she had.

I saw her tears then. She was crying.

_Oh my fuck!_

"Hey, Bella, what's wrong? Why are you crying?"

"None of your business!" she spat.

"Hey, c'mon. What did I say?" I asked in confusion, causing her to sit up – causing me to move aside a little – and face me.

Her eyes were red, her nose was pink and she looked all flushed; tears were streaming down her cheeks.

_Fuck!_

"You don't even know what you just said?" she started. ''How could you say such a thing? How could you even _think_ about it?"

"About what? You're confusing me!"

"Y-you thought about killing yourself?" a big fat tear escaped one of her eyes.

_Oh! That..._

"Bella, I–" Before I could finish, she interrupted me by throwing her body into my arms.

"How could you?" she sobbed into my chest.

I surrounded her body with my arms after taking in yet another deep breath, moving my hand over her hair.

"It's nothing, Bella ... It was just a thought ..."

"How could you?" she repeated.

"Shhh ... It's really nothing, baby sis." I didn't remember the last time I called her that. "It was just a crazy thought and it's gone now."

She looked up at me. "When?" she asked.

"When what?"

"When did you think about that horrible thing? You're only sixteen, for God's sake!"

"I don't remember," I lied.

"Why didn't you tell me there was something bothering you? We tell each other everything, Edward!"

_Well, you weren't speaking to me then, but yeah... I wouldn't tell you what was bothering me then even if we were talking._

"Because it _is_ nothing; I keep telling you this but you don't want to listen!"

She hugged me again, sobbing into my shoulder.

"Please, Edward. Don't ever think about that again. Don't you realize that I can never live without you? Don't you know how much I love you?"

I sighed as I kept on smoothing her hair. "I know, I love you too, baby sis. I'm sorry!"

We stayed like that for a while, Bella crying silently into my chest, and me rocking us back and forth slightly as I kept on smoothing her beautiful, silky hair.

"Hush now, baby sis. You've been crying too long, you don't want Mom to come back and see you like that, do you?"

She shook her head slightly, and after a while she stopped crying, then I heard her steady breaths later on. She slept in my arms.

_My sweet little – sexy sister._

_Oh fuck! Back to yearning over her again!_

Before things could get _hard_, I started to get out of the bed, laying her carefully on her pillow, but as I was doing it, she gripped my arm. "Don't go!" she whispered without opening her eyes.

_Well... Fuck me!_

I knew it wasn't a good idea to do so, but I couldn't say no to her. When I lay back on her bed, she cuddled into my body. I meant to leave as soon as I was completely sure that she was in a deep sleep and wouldn't wake up once I left, but fate had other plans for me_. _

_Of course._

Being that close to her was really not that easy on me; I was... _suffering_.

The warmth of her body, the hotness of her breaths oh so very close to my neck... I almost came in my pants... _again_!

I turned her around so her back was facing me, my left arm on her waist, like I always did when I slept beside her on her bed or mine on one of those nights she had nightmares or was scared to sleep alone – all before _that_ summer.

I only wanted her breasts that were pressed firmly to my chest to move away... I was losing my mind from the feeling of it – little did I know that it would only make things worse.

Her ass – her perfect, round ass – was just an inch away from my hard-as-a-rock dick. I sat up using my right hand to support me, with my elbow pressed on the pillow and my hand under the side of my forehead and my fingers tangled in my hair. I wanted to be away from her as much as I could, but still not leaving her until she was fully asleep.

Deep inside me, I knew she was already sound asleep. I knew her very well, everything about her, those steady breaths and that small parting between her lips told me that.

Yet I stayed.

I swear I only meant to look at her, but my sick mind wanted more, yearning to touch her. Any part of her.

This is your sister.

_Just one touch._

Your baby sister.

_Just one sniff of the smell of her neck._

Your twin.

_Just one kiss on that pale, bare shoulder._

This is not right.

_Just one feel! _

You can't do that.

_She wouldn't know._

Don't you dare touch her.

My thoughts fought against each other, my mind fighting my desire, my heart fighting my dick, my lust fighting my reason.

Even in her sleep, she was the sexiest woman I'd ever laid eyes on.

_Girl! She's just a girl not a woman, and she's your fucking sister!_

Apparently, my conscience was somewhere else that night, because the bad side won.

I moved my left hand to remove more wayward locks of hair that were covering too much of her face and neck, put them behind her ear and trailed my fingertips down her swan-like neck.

_So smooth and perfect._

I leaned in just a little and touched my lips to the side of her neck where my fingertips had just left.

She was so warm, and tasted oh so fucking good. I moaned at the feeling and involuntarily my hips jerked a little and I found myself grinding my cock slightly into her pants-covered ass.

_This is so fucking wrong, but feels so fucking good!_

My hand went down to the strap of her olive tank top and I found myself slowly taking it down her arm. I wanted to undress her and drown myself in the sweetness of her body. But suddenly it was too much for me to cross, so I settled on reaching a shaky hand to touch her left breast.

_**Fuck.**_

_**Me.**_

Her breast was so fucking soft and just perfect in my hand as I touched it through the thin material of her tank top. I let out another hushed moan at the feeling of her, and made another _involuntary_ grinding into her ass.

The feeling of her nipple hardening under my touch made me squeeze a little bit harder, but still careful to not wake her up and end this forbidden bliss.

My hand that was under my head came to cover my mouth and I bit down on the side of my pointer finger while the furrow between my eyebrows and the squeezing of my eyes was almost painful as I jizzed my pajama pants, coming silently with one last jerk of my hips into her body.

Moments later after I came down from my high, I moved a little away from her. Suddenly what I had just done flashed in my mind – and I don't mean any enjoyable feeling I had.

It was guilt – and regret along with shame.

It wasn't anything like I felt the day after I kissed her; it was a million times worse. I felt my stomach turning as I got up from the bed like it had suddenly burned me or something. I felt tears aching to escape my eyes as I looked down at her, sleeping peacefully.

_I just molested my sister._

**~CHY~**

**A question: What is your favorite movie? **

\


	5. Chapter 4

**(SM) ****owns Twilight****.**

**(CozItRunsInMyBlood) ****owns the plot****.**

**(RobzBeanie) ****makes this readable, trust me!**

**(LaPumuckl) ****is my per-reader.**

**Chapter 4**

**We've grown apart, happened some time  
I'm here your there  
Our souls no longer intertwined  
And you hate the woman that I've become  
But I'm strong and I've grown  
And won't to be molded by anyone**

**BPOV**

_I felt his hand on my body, wandering on my back and my side. His hand was so warm and soft, almost matching the warmth and softness of my skin. The only difference was how manly it felt._

_So good!_

_His hand moved then to touch my backside, rubbing it, kneading it, and driving me crazy in the process._

_So freaking good!_

_I didn't want to keep my back facing his chest, I wanted to feel him more. The wetness between my legs was becoming unbearable, and I wanted more._

_I turned around to face him, my eyes still closed, and he pressed his lips to mine, taking me in a passionate kiss._

_I pulled away after a few moments, gasping for air, and opened my eyes lazily to meet his. I was met with piercing green eyes that matched mine in both the color and the lustful look._

_"Mornin', baby sis," he whispered._

I woke up with a huge gasp that almost hurt my throat.

_Damn it! What the heck is wrong with me?_

I'd been having sexual dreams for a few months now, and it was driving me insane.

I knew that lots of teenagers have those dreams and it was perfectly normal since I was almost seventeen and all, but that's not what was bothering me. It was the fact that I only had them with – my brother.

I know. I know! It was sick, and pretty much twisted, but I didn't know what was wrong with me. I had absolutely no control over it, and I knew that it was _**not**_ normal.

I didn't know if it had anything to do with Edward's behavior toward me, but I knew that it started that night I thought we'd gotten back to _normal_.

You see, after he kissed me that day, I was really mad at him. I felt sick at the thought of my brother kissing me. I didn't talk to him for seven long days, not knowing what we could say or do after what had happened.

From my side, I was mad like I said, and all I could think about was: what the heck? Was he out of his mind? I knew we were very close and all, but not _that_ close.

From his side, I knew he was embarrassed, it was written all over his face that he was, but then again there were other emotions that I couldn't understand.

I missed him in those days. We'd fought before, and we argued a lot, but we never went so long without talking to each other, and it was really awful.

When he talked to me again and apologized, I forgave him. But I couldn't put my finger on why he did that. Again, all I was thinking was: What the heck was he thinking? And I asked him just that.

I wasn't stupid, and I didn't know how he could think I would buy it. I woke him up that day, for God's sake! I knew he drank _nothing_ to make him lose his mind like that, not alcohol and not even freaking rotten milk!

Even if I missed him for a minute, I still never smelled the scotch on his breath, so I really knew I hadn't missed anything after all.

I simply let it go. I don't know what the reason was, but I didn't want to embarrass my brother any more as well. But then again, I could say that he was just happy and got lost in the feeling that the dizziness of the ocean brought to mind. After all, I'd admitted it to myself that I _did_ kiss him back.

And until that moment, almost three years later, I still didn't know why.

Two years I spent with Edward being like a stranger to me. Things were never the same; we were like any regular brother and sister, maybe even less, and that was never us.

We are twins for God's sake. We are sharing the same soul, and every other thing as well. I loved him more than I loved the air that kept me alive, and I knew that he felt the same way about me. So, it was pretty much so not normal what we became.

It was very rare for us to spend time together any more. I tried, and I think he tried too, but it was always in vain.

I kept on remembering that kiss, and that always made Edward look a little bit different in my eyes, so I backed away, and ended up with having the very least of him in my life.

Until that day when we watched the movie_ Romeo and Juliet_ together. It was an emotional night; he told me something that I would prefer to never think about again, because I could never handle it if it ever – God forbid – happened.

I slept in his arms again finally after too long, and so many lonely nights, and a desperate need to be beside him which I fought with everything in me for some reason. It was wonderful to be able to feel his warm embrace while I slept. The peace, the protection, and simply the safety of his closeness, was something I'd craved for a very long time.

However, all that ended the second I woke up at the sound of him in our bathroom. I hurried to him in the bathroom that we shared – which connected his room with mine – to find him on the floor with his head hovering over the toilet and him howling and heaving over and over again. I assumed that he just threw up but he didn't seem to be able to stop, even if there was nothing coming out of his mouth any more.

I tried helping him like any person who cares for the other would do, let alone his own sister, but he refused, he wouldn't even look me in the eye.

When he finally did, and sat back on the floor, I saw his eyes glistening with tears, real tears, not those which would be caused by throwing up – no, it was sad, hurtful tears.

"I'm sorry!" he sobbed.

_Sorry?! For what?_

"It's okay, Edward. Are you okay?" I said, thinking that he was apologizing for throwing up.

"I'm so sorry!" he repeated again in a choked voice, tears now streaming down his cheeks.

"Hey, Edward, it's okay, Angel. Don't worry about it," I assured him, really upset to see him that way.

"Forgive me. Oh, God. Please, forgive me," he begged with the saddest tone I'd ever heard from him, burying his head between his hands.

"Hey, it's going to be okay, shhhh." I took him into my arms, as I was already kneeling beside him on the cold bathroom floor, burying his head in my chest and smoothing his hair with my hand. I kissed the top of his head, not knowing what he really meant by those words.

_Does he want me to forgive him for throwing up in my toilet? What the heck? That's really overly dramatic, which is so not Edward!_

For a moment Edward stopped breathing, and before I could blink he was pushing me fiercely away from him.

It hurt.

And I'm notjust talking about physical pain.

Again, before I could say anything or do anything, his eyes stared at mine. There was no hint of green in them, they were black. Maybe I was shocked and couldn't see clearly, but I swear his eyes were pitch black.

Anger!

He stood up and looked down at me with more hate and anger than I could ever think my beloved brother would hold for me.

"Stay the fuck away from me!" he snarled roughly.

"Edward?!"

"Don't you fucking touch me again!"

"Edward, Wh–"

"DON'T YOU EVER COME NEAR ME EVER AGAIN, DO YOU FUCKING HEAR ME?!"

I stared at him with wide eyes and a gaping mouth, not knowing what on earth possessed him. That was not my brother, never my brother. I didn't know who it was; this one scared me, and made me feel ... _dead_.

Tears made their way down my face as I felt the hatred that he was sending to me in strong waves, not knowing why he was like that, or what had I done to cause it.

He left me there – confused, crying, hurt, and broken.

It was the last night I ever felt my brother's love, the love I felt when he held me and wiped my tears away.

And the first night I ever felt my brother's hatred towards me, the hate I felt when he pushed me away and yelled at me for trying to comfort him.

Over the next few months, Edward made sure that I became very positive of how much he hated me. We were never the kind of siblings who would fight over everything and nothing, but now we were.

He fought with me about school, gym, housework, homework, how I dressed, how I put make-up on and even how I walked.

It seemed like everything I was doing was getting on his nerves, everything I was doing was wrong in his eyes. We simply wouldn't stop fighting, and he just wouldn't stop hurting my feelings.

What hurt the most was that Edward was always the only one who soothed me when Mom or anyone else annoyed me – now he was one of them, and it felt like I had no one.

Yes, I had my friends Alice and Rose, but Edward had always been something else. He knew me so well that I didn't ever have to say much to explain what was bothering me and he would get it, but now – it was all gone, and I was left with this horrible feeling of loneliness.

Edward was no longer the shoulder I could cry on... now I only suffered in silence.

When it would become really bad and I couldn't take his rubbish anymore, I'd go to Dad and cry on his shoulder instead, only to hear the same answer:

"Your brother is facing lots of changes like any other teenager, physically and emotionally, and it's just a matter of time until he'll be back to normal."

_Yeah... okay!_

_I'm a teenager too, and I'm nothing like that._

"It's a little different with boys," my Dad would add, replying to my unspoken thought.

With time, I learned to simply avoid him, and when our paths would cross, I'd suck it up and try not to start a fight when he bugged me in any way. It wasn't me, I never took idiocy from anyone, but it was Edward whom we're talking about here. I had to help him through that 'rough time' – that my father talked about – until it passed.

**~CHY~**

"Guys, please! I don't wanna watch that!"

_I hate horror movies, I hate them._

"Oh, c'mon, it's just a movie! You're too old for this!" Rosalie said as she applied more pink lip gloss, staring at the small mirror in her hand.

"No, I'm not. I'm not even old enough to watch that. As a matter of fact, none of us are except you and Emmet!"

"Bella, relax! It. Is. Just. A movie," Alice assured me, talking slowly as if talking to a child.

"But, you guys know that it scares me and I'll think about it for weeks."

"Honey, we don't have any other option, either this or _Toy Story 3_," Tanya said. Even if I told her not to "honey" me a million times, she still did it.

Tanya wasn't actually my friend, nor Alice's, but she was the Hales' cousin and Rosalie loved her, so we just had to live with it... a lot, since she went to the same school with us and all.

"What is wrong with _Toy Story 3_?" I asked, desperate for them to change their minds about it.

They all gave me the _'Seriously?' _look.

"If Jacob was here, he would agree with me," I murmured sadly.

"Yeah, too bad he got the flu and couldn't come," Jasper said, announcing that the boys were back with the tickets.

"Maybe I should go see him and you guys watch the movie then come and pick me up," I suggested.

"Absolutely not!" Edward said.

"Why not, his house is just ten minutes away!"

"Mom and Dad said that we can't separate, that's the only reason why Mom agreed in the first place. Plus, I'll never let you go alone!"

"Like you care if I–"

"Guys, guys, please no fights tonight." Alice stood between Edward and me, breaking our constant glares at each other.

"Yes, please!" I think all of them said in unison.

_Darn it!_

"Fine!"

"Fine!"

We entered the movie theater eventually. Rose and Emmett sat beside each other, Tanya sat next to Rose, and Edward was next to her, then it was me next to Edward. Alice was sitting next to me at first but her small size didn't allow her to see the screen clearly due to a tall guy in front of her, so she switched her seat with Jasper's.

I spent ninety-nine percent of the movie with my eyes closed tightly, or looking at everything except the screen. However, the screams and the disgusting sounds of knives cutting skin that were coming from the speakers were enough to give me the stupid chills of terror and cause my blood to run cold.

Edward made it clear over the past months that my touch wasn't acceptable in any way, shape or form. I badly wanted to hold his hand, just to feel a little bit safer and let this fear inside me cool down a bit. But I knew better than to do that; I didn't want his snarls or even curses, not tonight.

Tanya though was clenching his arm tightly like her life depended on it. Edward, on the other hand, was concentrating on the movie and didn't seem to be paying attention to her – if he was, he didn't show it.

Emmett and Rosalie, of course, were making out like there was no tomorrow. I would've been grossed out from it since they were pretty much sucking faces with lots of tongue involved, but their love was something very pure and soft, and it made me happy for some reason, even if their acts with each other were anything but pure or soft.

I sighed at the thought, but was met with more screams and gushes that took me back to panicking again.

_God! This is so scary._

_Don't look. Don't look. Don't look. _I chanted in my head.

"Ouch! Aw! God! Damn it!"

_Don't look. It'll go away. Don't look. It'll go away._

"Aw, fuck!"

_Just don't look, it'll end soon._

"Oh! Shit, Bella! Loosen your grip a bit, your nails will break the skin of my arm," Jasper winced.

"Sorry!"

**~CHY~**

Later that night, I spent hours tossing and turning on my bed, unable to sleep. I was afraid to even blink, let alone close my eyes to _fall_ asleep. I was so scared, so panicked.

After so many fights with myself, I left my room.

I snuck into my parents' room and crawled into their bed, into the space between them. It was enough for me to rest my small body without them noticing me.

_God! I just want to sleep._

Since I was the luckiest girl in the whole world and all, moments later my Dad started to snore like a broken old truck.

_Christ!_

I didn't know how my Mom slept beside him at all! _Oh, yeah... ear plugs. Or she would be on her sleeping pills anyway._

I had no other option but to go to _his_ room. And so that's what I did.

I tried the knob and was relieved to find the door unlocked. Entering the room, I saw him lying on his side with his back facing me, wearing only a pair of black boxers.

I tiptoed the whole way to his bed, hoping that he was already in a deep sleep and wouldn't notice me, but again, since I was so damn lucky tonight I heard his breathing changing once I touched the bed.

"What do you want?" he asked without looking at me.

"Edward, please, I'm so scared, I can't sleep. Every time I close my eyes I see nothing but Freddy coming to kill me! Please let me sleep in here, please?" I begged with everything I had.

He didn't reply.

"Edward, I'm begging you, just tonight, I swear I'll leave at sunrise, please."

"It's not a good idea!"

"Please. Please. Please!"

He sighed.

_Yay! _

I took that as an okay and just didn't talk. I rested my body beside him on his bed, but he still wouldn't face me. I wanted to hold him so much, more than I'd ever wanted anything else at that moment, but I wouldn't push my luck any more.

While I was waiting for sleepiness to overcome me, I kept on staring at the tattoo that covered the biggest part of the skin between his shoulders, covering most of his upper back.

I raised a hesitant hand to touch it, and slowly traced it ever so tenderly with my pointer finger. I knew better than to do that but it was calling to me. I wanted to trace the elegant letters – that formed a shape of a word that I could never understand – with my finger.

"What are you doing?"

"What does it mean?" I asked, ignoring his question.

"It means _'mind your own fucking business and keep your fucking hand to yourself',_" he said as he angrily moved a little away from me, shrugging my hand with his shoulder.

It wasn't something that would surprise me. Maybe a few months ago it would have, but now I was used to that cruelness from him.

I sighed and dropped my hand to rest beside me on the bed, my thoughts going here and there. After a while I thought Edward was back to sleep, so I raised my hand to touch his back again.

However, this time I traced the scar on his lower back. It was on the right side of his back, a lean line more like a bow, the end of it almost touching the waistband of his boxers.

I wondered if the pinkish color of it matched my own scar – after all, we both got them at the same time.

My mind drifted back to the memory of the day when we got those scars. Like a lot of twins, one baby would be weaker than the other – and I got that part.

I was born with bad kidneys. They were lazy at first, not doing their jobs right. For twelve long years, I lived with them, but I was okay, in most ways. Maybe I was a little weak, but it wasn't really bad.

Suddenly, my body wouldn't accept anything as a treatment and my kidneys stopped working at all.

Long story short, I was put on the waiting list for a transplant, waiting for someone to _die_ and give me their kidneys, or even just one kidney.

My parents had a hard time waiting for me to reach the top of the list – my dad could do nothing about it even with all of his powers and everything. It took too long, and I was losing hope, but I was okay with that, too. I only hated that I was going to cause them all pain if they lost me.

Edward, on the other hand, was dying, _literally_. He couldn't bear the thought of me leaving and never coming back. I tried soothing him but – I was helpless.

In the end, Edward said that he would give me one of his kidneys.

I refused it, I rejected it, I turned down all of his attempts to convince me. My parents weren't saying anything about it. It was the lives of their _children_ on the line, and they didn't know how to react, I think.

It took just one promise of him taking his own life if I ever died for me to agree.

Being my twin and all, my body accepted my brother's kidney easily. It worked inside me like it was mine, and I was feeling better than at any time before. The doctors said that it was because we shared the same blood type, genes, DNA, and even almost the same height and weight.

I let out another sigh at the thought; he was now much, much bigger than me, taller and all muscles and – man.

I heard him taking a deep breath as my finger traced his scar one more time.

"Why do you hate me so much?" I asked in a whisper.

He didn't reply except with a soft sigh.

"I mean ... thinking about what you once did before, to risk your own life to save mine ... why all the bother? You could've just let me die." His body tensed a little at the sound of my words, yet he said nothing.

"Why do you hate me, Edward?" I repeated.

He turned around and laid on his back, he stared at the ceiling for a moment before he looked at me.

"I don't hate you, Bella. Never have and never will," he simply said.

_Well … Bee. Es._

"You made it clear that you do a long time ago, Edward." A tear escaped my eye as I looked down in God only knows what, refusing to meet his gaze.

I felt his touch for the first time in too long on my cheek, wiping away my tear after he moved to lie on his side and face me.

"Bella," he whispered, the sweetest sadness filling his eyes, "I love you more than anything, or anyone in the whole world. Please, don't ever doubt that."

"But–"

"I know. I know I've been a douche to you since... well, forever, but... there are things going on inside of me... changes …things tha–"

"Tell me, Edward."

"I can't …I can't tell you, Bella." He held my hand. "I have to suffer with this all alone. If I could ever tell anyone about it, you'd be the last person."

"Why? What does it have to do with me?"

"I can't explain ... the only thing I can say is that ... being close to you – makes it _harder_ on me," he said.

More silent tears ran down my cheeks. He wiped them away again, closed his eyes tightly shut, took a deep breath, and then pressed his lips to my forehead.

"I would never stop loving you, baby sis," he smiled, with a hint of tears in his eyes. "No matter what."

I couldn't believe that Edward was telling me those words, when after all of this time I thought he hated me. Dad was right, Edward was suffering with changes like he said… but I couldn't understand the part of it having anything to do with me being close to him.

I smiled sadly at his words. "And I you, Edward," I whispered.

"I know," he whispered back.

I wanted to hug him, to bury my head in his chest and just lose myself in the safety and peace he always offered me, but I couldn't be that selfish person and ignore his feelings. He said he didn't want me that close, so I would keep my distance.

_I felt his hand on the hollow between my breasts, touching it so tenderly. His fingertips lingered on my skin, sending chills all over my body, perfect, wonderful chills. Then those chills rested all in my now heated center._

_It felt good, oh so good._

_I felt his lips on my neck, kissing me lightly but hungrily, and it felt amazing. His breaths on my neck felt almost real, so real. Part of me thought for a second that I was still awake and this actually was happening to me in reality, but I shrugged it away._

_Reality would never feel that good._

_His hand rested on my side. He pulled me into him, and I felt his erection, which made me even wetter._

_He was hard for me._

God!

_I wanted to open my eyes and look at him, but I didn't want to end this dream just yet, not this time. This time was way better than any other dream I'd ever had before._

_I felt his tongue on the skin behind my ear and I moaned softly. He stopped, but I didn't want him to stop._

_I was so afraid that this wonderful feeling would end, but moments later he went back to kissing my neck until he reached my collarbone._

_So freaking good._

_I moaned again when he held my breasts softly, squeezing them a little bit, ever so gently, but this time he didn't stop at the sound of my moan, he moaned back instead._

_I was so dizzy even in my sleep to do anything when he turned me on my back and pressed his body gently over mine. His hand touched the skin of my stomach from under my little tank top, and then I felt his lips touching where his hand rested a second ago._

_He spent his time there and drove me crazier with lust._

This dream is so freaking better than any other dream I have ever had.

_I gasped when he hooked his fingers in the waistband of my boy shorts. Excited at the thought of what he would do now, I raised my hips a little, helping him to take them off of me – and he did._

_I even felt the air hitting my newly exposed skin. It felt so real, so real to the point that it felt … _unreal!

_His hands wandered a little on my legs and thighs, then he ever so slowly separated them with his hands. I heard him gasping and moaning at the same time, I don't know how._

_His lips lingered all over my inner thighs, then his breaths were right on my womanhood._

Oh God! So damn good! Oh my God!

_I let out soft moans over and over again with every kiss he left on my skin. Then all of a sudden he stopped._

God! No! Don't stop now! I want more!_ I screamed at him in my head, afraid to speak and end this outstandingly hot dream._

_His lips stayed on my lower lips, but he wasn't moving them, he just left them there. His breaths alone, if not his soft lips, were driving me even crazier if that was possible._

_I felt the tip of his tongue reaching out to enter my lips, then he separated my thighs a little more with his hands that never left them, and separated my folds with them in the process._

_He moaned into my sex as he licked it like his life depended on it, and it was too much for me to keep holding in my moans._

My hips raised a little to meet his tongue on my sex, and I opened my eyes while gasping and moaning like there was no tomorrow.

I cursed myself mentally for opening my eyes and ending this.

But ..

The dream.

Didn't.

Stop!

_Uh... why I still can feel it even with my eyes wide open? Where am I? Oh, yeah... Edward's ro- What the heck?_

I raised my head to look at what was happening to me, only to find... my brother's head buried between my thighs!

"Edward! Oh my God!" I gushed.

**~CHY~**

**A question: Do you like tattoos? Do you have any?**


	6. Chapter 5

**(SM) ****owns Twilight****.**

**(CozItRunsInMyBlood) ****owns the plot****.**

**(RobzBeanie) ****makes this readable, trust me!**

**(LaPumuckl) ****is my per-reader.**

**Chapter 5**

**I go out of my way to hurt you more every day  
And you cry out like your little heart will break  
And every time you make me blue I make the point to hurt you too  
And I wonder how much more our love can take  
We're not kids anymore...**

**EPOV**

I woke up to the sound of my annoying damn alert, Beeb Beeb, Beeb Beeb, Beeb fucking Beeb! I tried changing the stupid tune more than once but every time I did, it would go back to this shitty tune – I didn't know why – that always woke me up with a bad mood.

Like I needed the extra annoying shit!

I got out of my bed with a groan and headed to the bathroom. It was locked, which meant my sister was in there.

"Bella! I need the fucking bathroom," I called.

"No, you don't. I just got in the tub!"

"Tub?! Are you fucking kidding me? It's six in the morning!"

"So?"

"I have to fucking pee!"

"Piss off, Edward!"

_Minx!_

I couldn't wait any longer, so I decided to just go to the guest bathroom downstairs. I would deal with her later.

I finished my business and left the bathroom after drying my hands with a small towel, hoping that Bella would be done soon so I could take my shower.

"Edward!"

_Fuck!_

I didn't know that my mother would be awake at this time, but of course... she was.

I knew immediately what was going to happen and why she stopped me with a gasp.

_Aaaaaand I'm in deep shit!_

I froze in my place, my back facing her, giving her a clearer view of what she had stopped me for.

_Fuck! I should've worn a shirt!_

"Yes?" I replied, still not facing her.

_Maybe she just woke up and she'll think it's a dream? Maybe she won't see it?_

_Yeah, sure... It's not like it's covering a quarter of your back or anything._

_Damn it!_

"Look at me!" she ordered.

I hesitantly turned to face her, not making eye contact with her. My head was lowered to the floor, making holes with my eyes in my Mom's new carpet.

"Do you want to tell me what that is on your back?"

_Right into the subject!_

"It's ...uh... It's a ta-tattoo," I replied nervously.

"Really? A tattoo? I thought it's just a fly!" She folded her arms in front of her chest.

_Mom plus sarcasm … so not good. _

"I know it's a frigging tattoo, Edward!" she yelled.

I didn't say anything. I was in too deep shit for me to say anything without making it worse.

She closed her eyes and took in a deep breath.

"Please tell me it's just a henna tattoo!"

_What?! She really thought I'd do that shit?!_

"Uh ... It's a h-henna tattoo."

"You're lying?"

"It's ink!"

"Holy shit!"

_Oh. My. God!_

_My mother just cursed!_

_My._

_Mom._

_Cursed!_

That never happened, and I mean _never_. Bella or I would be grounded for two hundred and fifty years if we ever said that, or even something similar.

"Temporary?" she asked, the hope in her voice not going unnoticed.

I shook my head.

"Oh, my God!" She brought her hand to her mouth to cover a sob.

_Shit! What is she going to do now?!_

"Carlisle!" she called.

_Fuck! Add more to the fun._

"Carlisle, get in here, please."

"Hey, what is it?" my father asked, his hair a mess and all sleepy, rubbing his eyes with his palms.

"Ask your son!"

"Edward, what is it?"

I didn't reply.

"Ask him to turn around!"

_For fuck sake, just tell him already!_

"Turn around? Why?!"

"Edward? Show how grown up you are to your father," my mom said. "Turn around."

I wanted to flip her off but I knew it wouldn't be a very good idea if I did so, given that I was already in big trouble.

I did as I was told.

"Holy shit!"

_Yeah, I heard that before._

"What the hell, Edward?! What the hell is this?"

_What is it with me having to say it? Are they really that stupid?!_

"It's a tattoo, Dad. And no, it's not henna, it's black ink that will last forever unless I remove the skin off my back for some reason, okay?!"

"You're in big trouble already, Mister. Don't make it worse on yourself with this attitude," Mom warned.

_Whatever! Are you done questioning me?_

My dad came closer and examined it, probably looking for an infection or some medical shit.

"And what language is this?"

"Arabic."

"What does it say?"

"I don't know ..." I lied.

"Edward?!" he warned.

"It means ... _'Courage'_," I lied again.

"Really? How can you tell? Do you speak Arabic? It could be '_Soup_' for all you know!"

"I know what is it because I Googled it, Dad!" I really did.

"And of course the idiot who did it doesn't know that you're underage!"

I didn't reply.

"Means one thing: you have a fake ID!"

I heard my mom gasping.

I looked at him, saying nothing, then I lowered my gaze to the floor again.

_How does he know that?!_

"I was in high school before, you know?" he answered my inner question.

_Ugh!_

"You do realize that you're grounded, right?" Mom said.

_Of course, it's what you do for fun!_

"Yes."

"Go get dressed, Edward, and I'll wait for you in my office. I'll have to take a sample of your blood to see if you caught anything. And you'll hand me that ID," my dad said in his calm voice, but I knew that he was upset with me.

_God! I hate to make him upset!_

I nodded.

I looked at my mom, waiting for her to say it.

"You're grounded for three months, Edward!"

"What?!" I shouted.

"No car, no cell phone, and no going out after school, just your football practice and the games, nothing more."

"But Mom, this is too much! It's not fair!"

"Say something more and I'll make it four."

_Not fucking fair!_

"I heard that!" Mom called while I was climbing the stairs to my room.

_Fuck, I didn't even know I said it aloud!_

"Hey, what's wrong? Why all of the yelling?" Bella asked as she came out of her room, wearing a purple bathrobe and wrapping a towel over her head.

"This is your entire fucking fault! Go put something on!" I throw the towel in my hand in her face, then I went into my room and slammed the door.

_Everything is her fucking fault._

Like all I'd been doing since_ that night_... I blamed her for everything and nothing.

But let's face it, I wouldn't need to go to the bathroom downstairs if she just got out of the fucking tub and let me use the damn thing!

And I wouldn't have gotten that tattoo if it wasn't... for her.

_God!_

I knew it wasn't like she forced me to do it, but still... I wanted to blame her.

I'd been treating my sister like shit for too long, but it was easier that way.

I couldn't get her out of my mind, and I couldn't stop drooling over her. But that was just part of it. Another story was that the guilt over what I did to her was eating me from the inside out. Eating me alive!

I still couldn't believe what I did to her.

How could I do such a thing? How could I? What kind of sick twisted bastard was I to do such a thing to my sister? And while she was sleeping?!

_God!_

But then again, I thanked God that she _was_ sleeping, at least she wouldn't witness or even remember such a thing. I didn't know how could I ever face her if she ever knew I'd done something like that.

I could die out of guilt. Truly die, I wasn't just saying it.

That night when realization hit me about what I did to her, I couldn't stop vomiting. I thought I was going to vomit until I got dry and simply died.

And to add to my misery, she came rushing to me in our bathroom and held me, asking if I was okay.

I apologized, not knowing what else I could say. I felt like killing myself for what I did to her.

When she hugged me, I fucking felt an overwhelming need to kiss her, like really _kiss her _kiss her, not just kiss her. Do you know what I mean?

And that was just fucked!

I knew it was wrong; it was like I become a bewitched loser whenever she come close to me.

So pushing her away was my only solution, and pushing her away I did. Hard.

I hated myself for that, but it was better that way.

For her if not for me.

She didn't need a pervert brother in her life; she was better off without me... or with me away from her.

I yelled at her, asking her to never touch me again, never come close to me... and since then, she'd obeyed.

Well, she had no other option; I pissed her off every time she even tried to talk to me, let alone be close.

I tried to make up anything to fight with her. Sometimes she just accepted it or fought back, but other times she would cry... and it broke my heart every single time.

_God! _I wished that if things were easier on me, they would be easier on her too, because I'd stop being an asshole to her.

**~CHY~**

I hated to be grounded, it was just fucked.

I spent two months without going out one fucking time, and it was driving me crazy, I was bored stupid.

Jacob, Emmett and Jasper came to hang out with me in my room a few times but still, it wasn't that good, and it wasn't as much fun as going out.

Bella, on the other hand, was almost as grounded as me. My Dad was overprotective of her _–_ and I loved him more than so much for it _–_ so he didn't allow her to go anywhere far without me, and since I couldn't go out, she couldn't either.

She hung out with Alice and Rose and went shopping with them every now and then, but other than that... big no.

Eventually she begged that we be allowed to have a movies night with our gang of friends. It took so much begging but we got the permission anyway.

I knew she didn't do it for me _–_ she hated me, or at least I was trying to get there. If she hated me she wouldn't be sad or mad when I went all douchey with her.

Or so I hoped.

The movie was amazing. Well, other than Tanya, who was trying to dig her way to China through my arm while we watched the movie. If it was Bella I would've been more than okay with it, but she didn't even touch me.

I thought she would, since she had a soft heart and simple things scared her, but she didn't _–_ she hung on Jasper's arm instead.

Later that night, I couldn't sleep, like always I was thinking about _her_. I could never stop thinking about her, no matter how much I tried to do so.

I kept on tossing and turning in my bed for God only knows how long. I heard movement outside my room but didn't think much about it.

Suddenly, I heard my door opening then closing after a moment. At first I thought it was Mom or Dad checking in on me, but it wasn't.

A strawberry smell filled my room and my lungs.

_Bella._

She hadn't visited my room for night cuddling in a long time, longer than I could remember.

She begged me to let her spend the night in my bed, and of course I knew it was a bad idea _–_ a very bad idea. But she kept begging and I couldn't tell her 'no'. Though, I couldn't tell her 'yes' either.

I just sighed.

She took it as a yes, and jumped into the bed with me. I tried to stay calm and convinced myself that I could stick to my side of the bed, and simply never think about the beauty lying next to me.

It worked... a little.

Well, it worked until she started tracing my tattoo with her fingertips.

_God!_

I felt a shiver running through my body as her soft fingers touched my skin.

_Fuck!_

I tried to upset her or get her mad, acting all douchey with her again. Maybe she'd just leave and this would end well with each of us sleeping in his own bed.

But of course... she didn't leave.

My poor sweet little sister was too scared to go back to her room.

Her fingertips started touching me again, this time touching my scar. I couldn't shrug her hand away this time. I knew it would break her heart; she'd think I regretted what I once did for ... _me_.

She thought that I gave her my kidney so she could live, but the truth was, I gave her my kidney so _I_ could live, because I simply couldn't live without her.

If she dies, I die. End of the story.

I held her hand, since it was the safest thing for me to touch in her body, and I assured her that I loved her more than anything in this whole world.

And it was true. I loved her unconditionally. And that would never change. Ever.

The kiss I left on her forehead burned my lips. I couldn't help but feel how soft and beautiful her skin felt.

_God! If I just could stop it ..._

She fell asleep after our heart-to-heart talk, or my little confession to be more clear. I missed that so much.

I missed my sister.

But I couldn't do any better more than I was doing now, I had to remain an asshole to her. I wanted her to hate me, and after what she said tonight – about how she loved me – I had to work a little bit harder.

I stared at her sleeping form. She looked so peaceful, so much at ease. She was wearing a 'Hello! Kitty' tank top that was white and made her look all innocent and pure.

_Like always, so innocent and pure... my sweet little sister._

Her left hand was under her cheek, and her other was still holding my hand. I was grateful for the distance between us, but I still couldn't help but want more.

_Closer._

My eyes rested on the line that her tits made in the middle of her chest. It looked so fucking hot and it was screaming my fucking name.

I knew it wasn't right. I knew that the guilt would kill me if I did something to her like I had done before.

I knew I shouldn't.

But also, I couldn't.

I couldn't have her right in front of my eyes and not be able to touch her. Eventually I couldn't keep my hands to myself.

I touched her.

I touched the line that had been glaring at me all of this time. It was begging me to touch it and I just couldn't ignore its calls anymore.

She felt inc-fucking-redible!

So fucking soft, it felt like silk, the fucking softest silk ever known on earth.

I couldn't bear the thought of not kissing her, so I did. I meant to kiss her neck once, but the softness of her neck and the smell of her skin made me kiss her again and again and again.

It seemed like I wasn't able to stop!

I pulled her to my body and ground my erection into her.

_Fuck! Not that again!_

I thought better of it, not knowing if it was because I didn't want to jizz my boxers again to the sight of my sister, or the feel of her for the matter, or because I didn't want to cum so fast and end this.

I think it was the latter though.

I knew that once I finished this, the guilt and embarrassment and shame would kick in... so I wanted to delay it a little.

_If I was going to feel guilty for this, I better make it worth it._

She moaned when my tongue made contact with her skin, and my heart about stopped just right then. I froze in my place to see if I woke her but found that I hadn't.

I was somehow feeling happy that I made her feel good, or that's what I was convincing myself in order to keep going. I kept telling myself that she indeed felt good because of my touches on her body.

One moan after another started to escape her beautiful lips, a new one with every new thing I did to her. Her tits felt wonderfully amazing in my hands; I wanted to never stop touching them.

I tried my best not to wake her and fondled her tits ever so tenderly, still afraid to wake her. When her eyes remained closed, I knew she was in a deep sleep and wouldn't wake up.

I turned her on her back and started kissing wherever I could reach with my lips and my tongue, touching wherever I could touch with my hands and fingers.

Again, I couldn't fight the need to kiss her, but this time I wanted it to be on her most intimate place. I thought maybe if I did, it would end all of my misery.

Maybe I was craving her so much because of how forbidden touching her in this way was. I thought that maybe once I touched her, it would be over.

I took off her pink boy-shorts, and I could swear she raised her hips a little, helping me to get them off of her body.

I had no idea that she would be so aroused like this.

Her lips were swelling and glistening with the evidence of her need, and I couldn't believe I did that to her. I wanted to do more.

I trailed light kisses all over her forbidden heaven and inhaled deeply, taking in her musky and all feminine scent.

A drop of her arousal touched my lips, and the taste made me freeze on the spot. Bella was moaning and moving a little, forcing my lips to brush slightly deeper.

It was like I went into shock and couldn't take it anymore. I just hunted her heaven with my tongue, licking it with everything in me, wanting to taste her more and more, to drink whatever she offered me.

I drank her sweet nectar like it was my last drink on earth, slightly aware of Bella's growing moans.

"Edward! Oh, my God!" I heard Bella gushing, and some part of me realized that I couldn't keep going. But the rest of me couldn't allow me to stop.

I hungrily licked her heated core because it was the source of what I wanted to have, and then flicked my tongue on her little nub of a clit.

"Oh, God! What are yo- oh God!" I heard Bella moaning again as she was trying to ask me what I was doing.

_I'm going crazy on the sweet fucking delicious taste of yours, little sister._

"Edwar- oh God, you can't d- Oh God!" Her hand gripped my hair, and I thought she was going to push me away, but instead and to my surprise, she pulled me into her.

I groaned into her heated core, licking her more and more with everything in me.

_Fuck! I can't believe this __is__ happening!_

"Edward! Please, Ah, Don- oh, oh, AHHHHHH!" She gripped more of my hair. It was painful, but I didn't care. Her hips jerked and her thighs shook slightly, announcing that she just came!

_I made her cum?!_

_**Holy!**_

The thought itself made me rub my cock faster into the mattress that I had been grinding my erection into it all along, and with one last jerk of my hips I came in my boxers while my mouth was still buried in her heat.

_Fuck! Did that just happen?_

_Oh my fuck!_

It all happened in a few moments, less than a minute since the time Bella woke up and we both came.

Bella sat up, breathless... and not in a good way.

She looked _– scared_.

_Fucking shit!_

She pulled the sheets to cover her body and gripped them tightly as I sat up on the bed. She looked like a scared little rabbit. She was shaking!

_Oh my God! What did I do?!_

I stared at her with all the sadness and guilt in the world covering my face and resting on my shoulders like a heavy weight.

_God! She's scared of me!_

_Of course she is! She just woke up to her brother molesting her._

_Oh my freaking hell! What do I do?!_

Tears started to roll down her cheeks.

_Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._

"Bella!" I whispered, reaching a hand to touch her shoulder, trying to calm her a little. But she flinched away like she was afraid to be touched by a flame.

_What did I do?!_

"Bella! I'm sorry," I said because I didn't know if there was anything else I could say, and I reached to touch her again.

"Don't touch me," she said in the smallest voice, a whisper mixed with a sob.

I swear I heard my heart breaking in two.

''Don't touch me, Edward!" another cry that was nothing but a hushed whisper.

She gripped the sheets, wrapping them around her lower half, and left the room with heavy yet fast steps through my bathroom door.

I buried my head in my hands and started to weep like the pathetic motherfucker I am.

**~CHY~**

The days passed like weeks, the weeks passed like years.

Bella stayed in her room for a long time. She didn't go to school, and she had a constant fever that never broke except with medications, only to strike back again in no time.

I was so scared, and my parents were really worried about her _–_ she looked like hell.

She lost a lot of weight and looked so pale; no one knew what was wrong with her. No one but me.

Every time I went to her room to see how she was doing, I made sure that Mom or Dad or one of our friends was with me, so as not to scare her. She always looked away; she never looked at me, not for a second.

It killed me.

I felt like a rapist.

Of all of the people in the whole world, I manage to hurt the one I loved the most.

It didn't make any difference that she came. I got her too horny and bothered to be in her right mind and decide to push me away.

Came or not... it was as fucked up as it ever could be.

I killed her from the inside.

_My sweet baby sister._

_Oh God._

I knew what should I do to make it right for her. She'd be fine when I no longer existed... I shou-

_**Knock. Knock.**_

The sound of knocking on my bathroom door shrugged me out of my thoughts.

Only one person would ever knock from there.

_It couldn't be!_

_Could it?_

I hurried to the bathroom door and opened it, maybe only to prove to myself that it was an illusion and no one on the other side.

But I was wrong.

Bella was standing there, looking so weak and pale, so sick and skinny with a light shade of darkness under her eyes.

"Edward, we need to talk."

**~CHY**__

_**I made a pic to show you how the tattoo looks like, I couldn't find a better back, I know Edward is not a grown up as the guy in the pic but I couldn't do better, also the tattoo itself looks better in my mind.**_

**A question: How long was the longest time you were grounded? **


	7. Chapter 6

**(SM) ****owns Twilight****.**

**(CozItRunsInMyBlood) ****owns the plot****.**

**(RobzBeanie) ****makes this readable, trust me!**

**(LaPumuckl) ****is my per-reader.**

**Chapter 6**

**Sparkling angel  
I believed  
You were my savior  
In my time of need**

**Blinded by faith  
I couldn't hear  
All the whispers  
The warning's so clear**

**BPOV**

I raised my head to look at what was happening to me, only to find my brother's head… buried between my thighs!

"Edward! Oh, my God!" I gushed.

It was like he didn't hear me at all, because he didn't stop, he didn't even slow down; on the contrary, he was moving his tongue faster, and driving me crazy with every meaning 'driving me crazy' could have.

"Oh, God! What are yo- oh God!" I think I moaned the last part; I couldn't help it. He touched my clit with his tongue and my eyes rolled to the back of my head.

"Edwar- oh God, you can't d- Oh God!" It wasn't right. I tried telling him that he couldn't be doing this to me, but the feeling of his tongue and what it did to me was overwhelming. Instead, I kept on moaning, not able to say anything I wanted to say.

I gripped his hair unconsciously. He was using more tongue on my entrance, maybe trying to taste more of my wetness. I didn't know, nor was I going to think about it, not right then.

I tried to get him to focus on my clit more. My orgasm was building so fast inside of me and I just wanted to get there.

He groaned into my sex, and it only drove me more insane. My orgasm was so close; I felt it rushing to hit me so powerfully.

"Edward! Please, Ah, Don-" _What? Don't do this? Don't stop?_ I really didn't know. All I could do was grip his hair more to force his head and tongue to stay in place. My orgasm started to hit me in strong waves; it felt like a never ending orgasm.

"Oh, oh, AHHHHHH!" At the same time I heard Edward moaning, but his moans were muffled by my sex.

_God! This did not just happen!_

_Oh, my God!_

I stood up like something had just burned me, breaking our contact. I sat as far away from him as I could on the bed, so my back was hitting the headboard.

I was panting so hard, or was I not breathing at all?

_This did not just happen. _

_It can't be._

_Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God!_

_My brother didn't just do this to me. _

_It can't be._

_It must be one of my stupid dreams._

_No way my brother did this, there is just no way!_

_Oh, God! Please let it be a dream. Just a dream. Please. Please!_

The shivers that were escaping my body assured me that I wasn't dreaming, not at all.

Pulling the sheets up to cover myself, I felt my body shaking as I stared into my brother's eyes.

_Please, Edward, tell me you didn't just do this. Oh, God!_

"Bella!" he whispered, reaching for my shoulder with a shaky hand. My body – thinking on its own – flinched away, not welcoming his touch.

"Bella, I'm sorry." The guilt was all over his face – sadness and remorse.

_Please, let it be a dream._

"Don't touch me," I heard myself saying when he tried to touch my shoulder again.

"Don't touch me, Edward." I didn't even recognize the sound of my own voice.

It was clear now that I wasn't dreaming, even with all the hopes I had for God to let it be a dream; it was all in vain.

He did this.

This happened.

_Oh, God!_

**~CHY~**

I didn't know how I left his room, or how I made it to mine. It felt like everything was a blur – I couldn't see, I couldn't feel, and I may have even forgotten to breathe for some time.

Sleep left me. Of course I couldn't just go to sleep after what had just happened. How could I?

I was in a state of shock for several hours. I didn't know how I passed them – maybe I was just sitting on my bed, or my armchair, or even on the floor staring at nothing – I didn't know.

I finally woke up under the cold, oh _so_ cold shower, and rubbed my whole body with everything in me. I felt dirty.

Tears were streaming down my face. I wouldn't know that I was crying if it wasn't for how hot it felt compared to the cold water that was coming out of the showerhead.

I wanted to remove any trace of him that was left on my body. I wanted the feel of his touch gone – I felt so dirty, so, so dirty.

When my body started to ache and burn because of the sting I left with every new rub of my rough sponge, I got out of the shower. It felt like I'd been using sandpaper on my body all along, not a regular sponge.

I felt so sore.

The next thing I knew, I was lying on my bed, hardly able to see or hear anything around me.

_"Carlisle, she's burning up …"_

_"Open your eyes, Sweetie."_

_"It won't break down!"_

_"Should we get her to the hospital?"_

_"How is she now?"_

_"Hey, Bella, I brought you your homework."_

_"He said it'll get better soon."_

_" … only with medication."_

_"Dude! Can you hear me?"_

_"She's not in a coma, Emmett!"_

_"Get well soon, Bells."_

_"Sweetheart, it's been three days …"_

_"Billy made you some soup, I know you like it."_

_"Alice, she's sick and staying in bed, not going to a fashion show! Stop manicuring her nails!"_

_"Rosalie is going crazy worrying about you, darling, we all are."_

_"She's hardly awake at all."_

_" … and I recorded the new Vampire Diaries episode for you."_

_"Would you help me feed her?!"_

_"Carlisle, I'm worried."_

_"… just stop messing with her iPod!"_

_"Bells, we missed you."_

_"Forgive me, baby sis."_

I felt his hand on my forehead. My eyelids were so heavy that I couldn't move them, I couldn't open my eyes. Then his hand touched my cheek softly.

"No! Don't touch me. Please don't!" I screamed with a raspy voice which I – again – didn't recognize as my own.

"Bella?! It's me. Dad!" my father said.

"Don't touch me," I repeated, in a whisper this time. I sat up on the bed, pulling the sheets up to cover my body all the way to my chin.

I glanced at him with my head bent down, only to see a confused look that was mixed with worry on his face.

"Sweetheart. Are you okay? How do you feel?"

"Don't touch me," I breathed. Somewhere deep inside me I knew it was my dad, and I knew it was okay for him to touch me, but I couldn't bear the thought of him touching me, though I didn't know why.

"Okay, Sweetie, I'm not going to touch you. Here." He held his hands in front of him, showing me that his hands were not anywhere near me.

Tears started to stream down my cheeks, without any effort from me to cry.

"There, there, Sweetheart. Shhhh, everything is going to be okay. You had a fever for too long, over a week, you're just confused. I'll go call Mom for you and tell her that you're awake, okay?"

I nodded without looking at him.

**~CHY~**

I didn't know how long I stayed in bed. Weeks maybe… I didn't know, I lost all sense of time. I spent most of my days crying and shaking.

What happened to me in _his_ room just wouldn't leave my mind.

I couldn't help but flinch every time my father's hand came near me. I knew very well that my dad would never mean anything bad like – _him_, but then again, I'd thought the same about … _him_.

I trusted him… he did that… he's bad… he hurt me.

All of my friends came to visit me every single day. They tried their best to get me out of the bed, or feed me, or play Barbie on me, or simply to make me laugh.

I was getting a little bit better, but eating was so hard. I threw up most everything I ate, so I gave up eating as much as I could.

Talking wasn't even an option; it was the hardest thing to do, so I stayed silent.

I saw _him_ once or twice, but I looked away right away, trying my best to avoid seeing him. That only hurt more, never made things better.

Until that time when I was in the bathroom and caught myself in the mirror, I looked… _dead_.

The person in the reflection wasn't me! I didn't look like that; she looked like trash: skinny, pale and nearly like a drug addict.

I couldn't bear the thought of looking like that. I ended up crying my eyes out, hating myself and my life, and just being miserable.

Then one day I thought, _'that's not me, I'm stronger than that,' _and I really was… I really _am_! I was never one who would just keep on crying and weeping when something bad happened to her; no, I refused to cut myself off from the world and end up in some mental institution.

I was going to face my problems.

I was going to _his_ room, and I would demand some answers!

This needed to stop!

**~CHY~**

I opened my door that led to the bathroom and stood in front of his door, taking a deep breath to help me find the courage to knock and face him.

I'd locked this door from the inside ever since… that day, and never unlocked it again. Before, I never locked it that much. If he was outside I never locked it, or if I was only brushing my teeth, drying my hair or washing my face.

I only locked it when I was in the shower or in the tub… at six in the morning, masturbating because of a sexual dream I had… with _him_.

I shook the thought away. Even _that_ I would talk with him about, and I dared him to lie to me.

I unlocked the door and knocked. Then waited.

"Bella?!"

I straightened my shoulders and tried my best not to look like the frightened mouse that I was, and just face him.

Looking into his eyes was painful, but I tried my best not to show my pain.

"Edward, we need to talk," I said.

He stared at me for a second, then lowered his gaze to the floor and nodded.

Once inside his room, I fought the unbearable need to vomit my guts out at the sight of his bed.

_Get it together, Bella!_

I sat down on the sofa on the side of his room, right beside his door and across from his bed.

I took a deep breath.

He sat on his bed, looking all guilty and – scared? Maybe worried, I didn't know.

"Do you want to tell me what happened?" I asked.

"I … uh …"

"Forget that, I already know what happened." I shook my head slightly and looked at my hands that were resting on my lap. I took another deep breath and tried again. "Why did you do that, Edward?"

_Don't cry, I'm begging you, don't cry, you're stronger than this._

I wouldn't.

"Bella, I'm sorry. I can never tell you how sorry I am," he said in the smallest voice I'd ever heard coming out of his mouth.

"I'm not asking you to apologize, Edward!" I folded my arms in front of my chest and straightened my shoulders, then rested my back on the back of the sofa, crossing one leg over the other. "I want answers!" I continued in a demanding tone.

"Bella, please, don't embarrass me. I'm already embarrassed enough."

"Oh, really?! Ah! Forgive me for hurting your feelings!"

"Bell-"

"Don't you even realize what you did to me?! Don't you know how you-" I couldn't finish my sentence, and I started crying. The tears I'd been holding in since I entered the room managed to choke me and keep me from saying anything further.

He came to me in a second, kneeling in front of me, yet keeping his distance, which I appreciated very much.

"Please, don't cry, Bella. Your tears are killing me. Please, I'm not even worth those precious tears," he said in a very low voice, his own tears shining in his eyes.

"Why would you do something like this to me, Edward? Just give me one reason why!" I sobbed.

"There is nothing I could say that would make what I did understandable, ever. What I did was wrong, I know that. And – if you were ever able to forget it someday … I'll be your slave for the rest of my life. Hell, I'm already your slave for the rest of my life, if you would just accept it." Tears started to roll over his cheeks, but he made no effort to wipe them away.

I wanted to wipe them with my own hands, but I couldn't, I was still so mad at him.

More than mad.

I could only reply with more tears. I wanted answers, but my love for him made me feel bad for making him look like that.

But I couldn't just ignore it; he put himself in this situation, not me.

"Why did you do it?" I whispered.

He sighed, then rubbed his forehead and cleared his throat.

"Okay _…_ I'll tell you everything," he started. "I don't know what happened to me, Bella. Remember that day in the beach house when I- …uh …"

How could I forget? I'd been trying since forever to block that memory out of my mind, but there it was, coming back to me with a strong force.

I nodded and lowered my gaze to the floor, as if it was me who should be embarrassed and not him.

"I've been having … thoughts about you that I shouldn't have since the first day of that vacation, since I saw you in a – bikini."

I gaped at him, trying to take what he just said in.

"What kind of thoughts? Wait… don't say it. God!"

"I swear to God that I tried my best to push those thoughts away as much as I could, but … I can't control myself when I'm close to you." He was the one to look at the floor this time.

_God!_

"You mea-… Had yo-… all that long?''

He nodded.

_What is that? _

_Why is that?_

I tried to understand what he was saying to me… _was he saying that he's lusting over me? His sister? His twin? Oh, my God!_

_'You were having similar thoughts about him, too,' _a voice in my head commented.

Yeah, but it was just dreams… or was it?

_OH, MY GOD!_

What if it wasn't dreams all along that I was having? What if it was true? Did he touch me that many times?

After all, I woke up while thinking it was a dream – what if others weren't? And I just happened to not wake up and witness it?

_OH, MY GOD!_

"D-did you … Had you done it before, Edward?!"

He squeezed his eyes shut like I had just hit him with something heavy.

_Oh, dear God!_

I brought a hand to cover the cry that wanted to break out of my mouth. I failed though, and it came out more like a muffled gasp.

_How could he?_

I felt my heart burning and pounding inside my chest, wanting to escape my body, not able to handle all the anguish that I was facing all of a sudden.

"How could you?" I whispered.

He answered me with tears of sorrow and agony.

"How could you do this to me, Edward? To me? To me of all people? You forgot who I am to you? How could you do this?" I sounded hysterical even to my own ears.

I was in shock, my throat felt as dry as an abandoned desert; I couldn't believe that my brother would hurt me this badly.

I started hitting him with my hands on his chest, chanting, 'How could you? How could you?' and crying my eyes out.

After a few moments he held my hands.

"Stop! I deserve it, but you're hurting your hands, I'm not worth it," he said. He let go of my hands when I calmed down a little.

"How many times? Tens? Hundreds?"

"Just one time. I swear, just one time."

I stared at him; a painful look was on his face, shame and guilt decorating his features.

"That doesn't make it any better."

"I know," he whispered.

We stayed in silence for some time, not looking at each other, not hearing anything but each other's sobs every now and then – a sigh, a sniff, a deep breath… but no words.

"You know what the worst part is?" I asked, and he looked at me, his eyes red and looking all miserable.

"That I lost my brother," I sobbed. "I'm hurt … and I can't even talk with anyone."

"Bella …"

"You took my brother away from me, Edward. I will never forgive you for this." I stood up to leave, wiping some of my tears away with the back of my hand.

I'd taken two steps to the bathroom door when I felt his hand gripping mine, holding me in place.

I looked at his hand in mine then gave him a questioning look, and he released my hand right away.

"You didn't lose your brother, Bella. You never will; he's right here in front of you, ready to give you his own soul if it'd make you feel slightly better." He wiped his tears with his free hand.

I gaped at him, considering what he had just said, my tears blinding me slightly, and my heart aching… _for him._

He looked like he was in so much pain, so much suffering, but I didn't find anything in me that I could offer… no assurances or even a fake promise that everything was going to be okay, after all – I didn't think it would ever be okay.

"He is?" I asked.

"Yes!"

I locked eyes with him for a moment.

"Brother?" I tried, and it was his turn to stare at me for another moment.

"Yes, baby sis?" His voice cracked a little, but he tried his best.

"I'm – hurt."

"… Tell me what's wrong?"

"I've been – abused? Molested? I don't even know the right term," I sobbed. And big fat tears streamed down and out of my brother's eyes.

"I'm going to kill him!" he wept.

"You can't, Brother," I said. "You can't kill him … because I love him so much. If you kill him, you'll kill me." I shrugged one shoulder to express my helpless point. More tears made an appearance in my eyes, and my voice sounded hurt even more.

"Oh, baby sis. He loves you too, so much, words can't even describe."

"If so, why would he do this to me? To … v-violate my body while I'm unconscious, and take something that was never his?"

"He's sorry, I swear he's so sorry. He can never tell you how the guilt and shame and regret is eating him alive! He's so fucking sorry … he couldn't control himself."

"I trusted him more than anyone in the world, Brother. He was my everything, my best friend, my safety… my wall." I chuckled slightly through my tears at the silly term I used to describe how much he… _is_ to me.

But it fit so well, you know when something really bad happens to you and you feel like you're about to faint? And you're so grateful that there is a wall behind you that will not let you fall? That will offer you all the support you need to stay on your feet?

That was Edward to me – my wall.

Whatever bad thing happened to me I knew that Edward would be there, for support and safety… he took that away from me.

"Was?" He couldn't help the terror that was showing in his voice.

"He deceived me, Brother," I said, ignoring his question. "I feel like I can't trust anyone anymore. I came to his room looking for _safety_, but he offered me betrayal instead. What should I do, Brother? I'm so hurt. I feel like there is no goodness in the world anymore.

"I'm even refusing and shrugging away my father's touch, my _own_ father! Because he's on the same level as _him_… or close to _his_ level for that matter. I trusted my father too, just like I trusted _him_, though I keep thinking that I might wake up someday and find my _father_ doing this to me. Even though deep down inside me, I know that my father would never do something like that to me.

"But then again that's what I thought about _him_, too." My voice cracked at the end.

All the time I was talking, Edward seemed to be in massive pain, like someone was trying to remove the skin from his body while he was still alive.

It hurt me to see him that way.

"He won't touch you again, baby sis. I swear with God as my witness, he'll never lay a finger on you again," he promised.

"He won't?"

"No. Right now, all he can ask for is your forgiveness. If he has to pay for the rest of his life to gain your forgiveness he'll do it, just allow him to. Can you ever forgive him, baby sis? Please tell me you can."

" … I will try, Brother. I will try."

He wept his tears again, mimicking my own actions.

"Can he hug you? Please?" he begged.

I looked at him for a moment. "No!"

He squeezed his eyes shut, an excruciating look showing on his face.

"But my brother can." I offered him a small, sad smile.

In a split second I was in his arms, and he was hugging me so tightly, almost causing pain. But I didn't care; I missed him so much and I needed that, too. I needed my … safety.

"Oh, baby sis. He'll never risk losing you again, he'll never ever touch you again, I promise." He buried his head in my hair.

I sighed into his chest.

Little did I know that he wouldn't keep that promise for long.

**~CHY~**

**A question: How many friends do you have?**


	8. Chapter 7

Chapter 42 is up on the blog. Thank you.


	9. Chapter 10

Chapter 43 is up on the blog. Thank you.


End file.
